Sometimes it's hard on the lil ones when the mamas or dadas start working crazy long days. It's hard on the Bear right now. I am gone three days a week and come home for lunch one of those days. She gets her time in with me before I leave in the mornings, we make dinner together, we read a nice long story and snuggle to bed each night. There's more thrown in, of course; these are the anchors. But some days are harder.
One reason this day was especially hard for her is b/c she misses her friends, she told me. The day began with remembering the birthday of her dear friend that she hasn't seen much of this past year. She missed him when we were back home, too. She even cried a couple of times as she told me how much she missed him and he probably missed her, she'd guess. Well, today was that day because I (perhaps, mistankingly? gosh, i hate thinking that.) said that it was his birthday. She wanted to make him a card, send him a postcard and tell his dad to call us, she told me. Then, she snuggled up and cried for a bit because she really missed him. I held her close and said that I missed him, too. She came up with great plans for his card and all that it would include. I went to work about an hour later but we talked more about it at dinner. Then, tonight when we were praying, we prayed for each person is his family as we often do.
She also said, "I want to pray for my friend, Ani b/c I miss her, too." So, we prayed for everyone in her family, as well. We prayed for her friend, Daniel who is feeling sick right now and his whole family. She misses little Max (there is big Max and middle Max, as well!) and said very matter of factly that he's already growing up. Maybe she was thinking about how he turned 4 right before we left? Either way, we said Amen at the end but quickly began to talk about how we have such dear friends that we could pray all night for each of them. E commented that we didn't even get to pray for every one. Thankfully, we have lots of nights to remember our dear loved ones back home.
My own heart is a bit achy for our dear ones. Summer 2010 was such a place of drawing close to a few dear friends and it really hit me that Fall what depth had come of those relationships. I was having a rough time then trying to figure out how to juggle my family's needs. I had to get really honest and raw. I had a longing to be heard when I was saying very vulnerable things. Thankfully, a few wonderful women who I took a risk with were capable of receiving me. In these times, it felt really hard. Since then, more and more clarity has come about how rich I want my relationships to be and for me, that includes a lot of processing how family life works. I have tried so hard to be a great mama and wife to the dearest people in the world to me. And, when it felt like I was treading water instead of swimming or floating on my back, I needed people around me who would listen and try to understand. As much as I needed encouragement, I needed real answers and people willing to seek those out with me. I need advice, even! Thankfully, that was found and I am so grateful. It feels like my family has hugely benefited.
We'd never be in this wonderful place of coming to Bali after a year of wonderful. We'd have less ideas and tools about striking family balance like we are seeking now if it hadn't been for the real and raw friends and guides we have. In seeking to meet B's needs, I know she is doing well with me leaving b/c she has her sister by her side and her dada throughout the day. She has her Ibu Duah (mamatoo) making second breakfast and lunch for her and making her laugh! The kid feels the love. Last week as I was getting ready to leave, she stayed close by my side. When I was all ready to go, I noticed she was willing to part easily. She said, "I just needed you," perhaps explaining why she has stayed so close as I got ready. Thank God for the kid who knows what they need and seeks it out. What a gift that is in my lil Bear.
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