A Birth Dream

One of the midwives that i worked alongside in Bali has committed to fund raising for Bumi Sehat (the name of the birth center where we worked). She continues to travel to Bali from the US to volunteer as a midwife, also. You can check out the work that she is doing here.

The goal is to raise a million dollars. Yes, that is a lot of money! You can imagine all of the important, life savign work that can be accomplished when a million dollars is donated. If you have been reading my blog for the past 13 months, then you know what a fabulous place Bumi Sehat is b/c you read my posts about it.
You read about how hard the staff of murses, midwives, pediatricians, reiki masters, accupuncturists, receptionists, drivers and admin staff work to help women give birth with respect and love through their professional help. It is no small feat what they pull off on a daily basis. The founder of the clinic, Robin Lim is the hardest working woman i may have ever met with no task too menial of grand for her attention. After all the heartbreaking things that she sees, her compassion is still strong. Somehow she has not been beat down by the atrocities that have occured to the people of her island. From tsunami to women being hog-tied in labor, she has restored dignity, hope and life! She truly bring LIFE.

Last night, I had a dream that i gave birth to a large girl with darker hair that looked neatly washed right after she was born. I gave birth to her lying on one of the beds in a room at Bumi Sehat. It was just Robin and I there and she caught my babe. There was a lot more to the dream which i remember vividly. Hubby woke up as i did from the dream and i said, "i just had the best dream." he was like, "really? you never say that." I usually have scary nightmares where someone is trying to chase me or hurt me or actually does hurt me. So, this was a welcome respite last night. I am still trying to process what the dream i had last night means for me. But I have an idea that it strongly has to do with the call of midwifery on my life. If you know me, you know I take this call VERY seriously and it's not something that I feel ready to enter into right now.

I love attending women in labor and birth. I enjoy talking with them to prepare for it and to process it after it happens. But, being the primary caregiver all full of responsibility and on call willing to drop everything for a client...that just doesn't seem to work for my life right now. It wouldn't be fair to my family or my clients to pursue midwifery full force at this point.

After my intense dream, it seems that i need to re-evaluate what i am being called to do in regards to midwifery. i want to really consider what it would mean to pursue midwifery education. it's hard to be in limbo about it. it's hard to have pursued attending births then needing to pull out of that (for a variety of reasons).

The experience i had at Bumi Sehat was so rich; I long for it, again. I want to make it work. So, I am committing to a season of seeking through prayer, research, meditation, discussion with other birth professionals and open dialouge with my family and friends.
I have all these questions like...what am I supposed to do...or not do? Comments and prayers requested!