Thursday, May 15, 2008
some personal birthy thoughts
i was just visiting my friend kirsten's website. she gave birth to a baby boy after a tough labor. reading through her labor story and seeing all her labor pictures reminded me of my labor with our newest babe. i still haven't even finished writing all of her birth story much less posted it. and, i haven't posted many pics from it either. i have had to work on framing my labor because it was so different from the first time, in a much tougher way. honestly, i felt like i failed in so many ways. the hubby always reminds me that there is no grade and no possible way to fail. maybe it's because i have been to so many labors and births that i see the spectrum of how people handle it and can compare myself. which i should know better about. i am still processing all of this but that's what i have time for now.
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5 comments:
hey stacy - what is your new little one's name? so curious!
Stace, not that I'm an expert on this, but I don't think that there can be failure in labor and birth. The point of it all is to give birth to a healthy baby, and to be healthy yourself. You have brought forth two beautiful babes, and though the labors were different, but there is no failure in that. You persevered through an amazingly difficult posterior birth! Don't look back and have regrets about how you wish you had handled it. Just look at your beautiful girls and be thankful that they're there and know that God used your body to bring them there. You are an inspiration to me!
I have similar feelings about my 2 births except the other way around Stacy. I felt like I failed myself and Delaney because I didn't get the knowledge that I needed before she was born to do what was best for both of us. Harper's birth was really healing in that way (and others) because I KNEW I could do it. I didn't even realize that the dr. had made me feel incompetent in Delaney's birth until I had Harper. I haven't been able to finish writing (or posting obviously) her birth story either because in some weird way, as ridiculous as it sounds, it feels like then it will really be "over".
Hope you're all doing well. Tell your beautiful girls we all said hi!
Lowell
thanks, ladies! i appreciate what you all said. it's so weird to be in this place where i know better but am not thinking that way. time and perspective are helping me to consider how things went down. and, really awesome friends who are willing to go there with me instead of just pat me on the back and say, "there, there." Thank you!
I deeply understand what you are saying, Gunter. It's been 2 1/2 years since Brynn's birth and I still have feelings of regret and disappointment. It's only been within the past few months that I don't think about it *every single day*! It's hard when you know that you know so much about birth and yet things don't go the way you had hoped. I don't really have any advice for you because I haven't figured out how to truly let it go either...but with time it does seem to get easier. I just try to focus on what did go right, which is that I had a healthy beautiful child. And so did you. :)
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