Watercolor Painting

TTLY or TTTYA

Recently, it was decided here on this Down Home blog that This Time Last Year should be a weekly installment.  But, I never keep up with weekly or daily or monthly so instead it just kind of happens.  Lucky you, it's happening today...and it's This Time Three Years Ago!  Three years ago on Smitty's birthday, a newborn baby was resting by my side as we ate chocolate cake in bed.  Yep, that's how we roll.  Nothing says hippie like a bunch of friends in your bed eating cake the day after you give birth right next to it.  Just fabulous.  Happy belated Birthday, Smitty! 

Rollercoaster

How did I get so friggy busy?  It has just happened.  All kinds of great and wonderful things are coming my way but intense hard stuff is happening in our great North State, as well.  I am treading water trying to stay sane through it all.  Sending out lots of love and support and keeping a bit in for myself in the midst of these trying times. 

May Day

This is E when she was a wee babe with dear May.  May is such an incredible human, as I recall.  It's been a while since we got to spend time together but I remain very glad she is out there in the world doing her thing.  Happy belated Birthday, May!  I am so glad that you were born.

Deep Breath

Goodness did life get busy and full in the last week.  E was super brave for her tooth extraction.  In brief, she is doing well.  North Carolina midwives are getting lots of attention.  My friend, the boy started chemo today.  And, the bear turns 3 tomorrow!

Roll Out The Dough

and throw it in the pan!

Most days we like to play with dough and bake some bread.  Not today though.  We are going to the dentist today for a tooth extraction (aka pulling e's first year molar).  If you are the praying type, would you please pray all kinds of wonderful and simple prayers for everyone and everything involved?  Thank you.

unplugged

when a kid has a full on imagination flowing, it is just incredible to watch unfold.  who needs technology?  let's just plug it into this truck we found at the thrift store years ago.  sound good?

driveway

fresh gravel

the other day, i came home to this amazingly clean looking driveway.  e commented that it looks like snow.  can you see the brokedown mailbox in the background?  it belongs to my neighbor.  the snowplow crushed it when it was plowing our street. it crushed at least 5 other mailboxes on our road, i was told.  it knocked our mailbox door off it's hinge and scraped it up.  but, it's still standing at least.

V Day = D Day

Happy D Day to my lover!!!  We decided years ago on Feb. 14th that we had hit rock bottom in our marriage.  We'd gone out for Mexican food and to the theater to see a movie.  We kept driving through the country instead of turning onto that BBQ road.

It was a horrible, lonely, gross place to be.  Hubs lost his job, my step-father and his father both died within 6 months of each other to cancer, we weren't at all happy living in Virginia after just getting back from awesomeness in India.  Nothing fit. Instead of turning to each other, we turned on each other.  A bunch of other really sad stuff happened.  We moved back to NC so we could breathe.

tried to find the oldest pic on the computer: Spring 2004

We took the deepest breath we have ever taken and ploughed through.  It was beyond difficult.  But, this many years later, it is beyond worth it.  What we destroyed was built back up beyond what we ever could have thought or imagined.  There's a lot that we just laid to rest and don't even talk much about anymore since so much healing has happened.  But there is a lot that we go over again and again b/c we are incredibly thankful.  We have been given back a full measure.  We are drinking from the saucer b/c our cup has overflowed.  Happy D Day!

This Time Last Year

It kinda feels like "This Time Last Year" should be a weekly post for me.  I love looking back at our Bali pics from this time last year (TTLY).  Because our internet was so spotty and I worked all the time, slept or was riding around on a motorbike to wherever people took me, most of our awesome pics didn't get uploaded.

sister play

So, this was a familiar backyard scene for us once we moved into our friend's house.  Some chickens would visit, we'd feed them and they would peck around.  The girls would play.  I would do NARM paperwork.  Hubs would try very hard to sleep till noon b/c he'd been working the night before until 4 am. Our friend, Ibu Duah would come place offerings on my bicycle and all over early in the morning and often let E assist her.  Ants would crawl all over my feet regardless of how often we swept the floor.  It was a wide open kitchen with no screens in the windows and no door.  Regardless, I miss making fried potatoes, chili and spaghetti in that kitchen many days.

Simplicity Parenting excerpt

"Most families have increased the speed of their lives and the number of their activities gradually- even unconsciously- over time.  They realize that there are costs to a consistently fast-paced, hectic schedule, but they've adjusted.  And looking around, there always seems to be another family that does everything you do, and more, managing to squeeze in skiing, or Space Camp, or French horn lessons on top of everything else.  How do they do it?

They do it by never asking, "Why?"  Why do our kids needs to be busy all of the time?  Why does our son, at age twelve, need to explore the possibilities of space travel?  Why do we feel we must offer everything?  Why must it all happen now?  Why does tomorrow always come a bit late?  Why would we rather squeeze more things into our schedules than to see what happens over time?  What happens when we have free time?"

from Simplicity Parenting by Kim Payne

special gifts

firewood for next year

Hubby's co-worker and friend fell about 10 trees for solar gain last month.  The co-worker generously offered the wood to our family for our woodstove stash.  The logs will need to season for a while before we can actually use them in the woodstove.  Until then, they will rest here and be split over the summer.  The larger logs will be part of a fun outdoor creation for our girls. 

These logs represent an incredible gift from his co-worker.  What was so interesting to watch for me was how the transport of them came together.  The truck we were to borrow fell through as well as the trailer to haul them.  Our dear friend asked his father-n-law if we could use it just for the day and he agreed.  That same friend spent all day from the crack of dawn until dinner time loading, driving and unloading.  Somewhere in the middle of all of that, he and my incredible husband even found time and energy to pick out a wonderful birthday gift for me!  When each load arrived at our home, our neighbor and adopted big brother would come unload and organize with the guys.  It was so neat to watch them all work together.  I was so proud of my husband and the devoted and kind friends he has chosen. 

It's really heart-warming to see our community come together just to help us have logs to burn in the years to come.  We'd like to use our woodstove as sustainably as possible.  Thus, felled trees are a great source for that to happen.  We are so grateful!

Goa Gajah in Feb 2010

hanging out in a cave

beautiful fountains on either side

some stair walking

is this a banyan tree?

directions

carved in

mr. amazing

White Space

One of my dearest friends recently was telling me how she felt like there were so many great opportunities for homeschoolers in our area that it can be overwhelming.  Her daughter is really into exploring dance, theater, singing, colonial history, while maintaining close friendships with a few families they have known for a long time.  Over the years, I have always sought guidance and direction from this woman.  While it's not limited to parenting and homeschooling, she is often my go-to person in those areas.  So, when she realized how important it was to scale back and have more down time, I really paid attention.  Both she and her kids are really social.  One thing she taught me years ago though was to make time for "white space".  White space is the open, unscheduled down time to process everything that has happened.  It's empty enough to let the person absorb all that has come into their realm, to explore their feelings and basically, to soak it all up. 

I could spend a large part of my week in white space if there is even one day of going out, hosting at home or social activity.  Any car trip that involves bringing water, a snack and changes of clothes pretty much pushes me; I have to really be up for it.  I'd rather stay home to cook, read, chop wood and prep the garden.  As someone who needs a lot of private, quiet time, I have to balance that with the awesomeness of friendships and community outside our home.  It's so easy for the chicks and I to get into the zone of doing our own thing.  They get engaged in play so deeply with each other that it's like there's a force field around them.  While, I am thankful for this, I know if they don't have their cup filled with friendships or a walk to the park, they will go stir-crazy.  Outside of home life, I get to work with families in their childbearing years; thankfully, this kind of work actually energizes me.  Plus, my friend is right about how many awesome opportunities there are in our area: from neat parks, lakes, rivers and trails to interesting museums, parades and festivals.  On top of all of that, there are just simple get-togethers with like-minded families.  We haven't taken much interest in the organized events like Homeschool Science Fairs or the weekly enrichment meetings, yet.  But, can't you see how a family could homeschool without ever staying home?

rocks & shells

for dinner prep time

peace. shalom. shanti.

repeat daily...or hourly

getting our hands dirty

therapeutic baking

apple yum

yummy apple pie

gluten free but started with a "joy of vegan baking" recipe

Birthday Top Ten

You all will be happy to know that many great things happened this weekend that fulfilled my birthday wishes!  I am going to narrow down some of my favorite things but I would honestly list 100 instead of just 10; it was that kind of pleasing weekend.

1. Eating vegan pizza with some of my dearest friends was incredible.  I was so thankful for each moment of conversation and caring.  Two different times with two different friends, eye contact was all it took to understand each other.  That was so cool to experience!  Once was concerning a wine glass that i needed and the other was locating my oldest child who was sitting on the floor playing games in a group of kids.  I am so thankful for incredible loves in my life.  Having time with friends who I miss was really special.  I got to sneak over to my neighbor's house and have awesome conversations with them. 

2.  My friend came home from the hospital earlier than expected and walked down his street, even!  Suck it, cancer.  You will be defeated.

3. We had a super yummy breakfast with Uncle Anthony at a place we hadn't been to in years; we ran into two friends there!  Then, we took a long walk on the trail near my house.  It was a great walk.  I ran with Wexlar while my family took their time.  He is so fun to run with but I sure did miss that Sherp.

4.  Hubby's mom came to watch the girls for us; they were okay with us leaving.  Dinner at a vegetarian restaurant was incredible!  We stopped off into a restaurant and had a glass of wine at the bar b/c we never just do that with our kids in tow these days.  We went to the healthy grocery store b/c it was in the same town and we needed stuff for canning.  We ran into awesome friends from church and enjoyed chatting and laughing with them!  We texted with hubby's mom the whole night and she wrote things like, "GREAT!!!" in response to how things were going.  We were so stoked that we decided to check out a place near our house that lots of friend like to go for dancing and drinks.  We called our dear friend to meet us there and had fun.  It was really crowded but so enjoyable to be out with a friend and have full conversations.  We called it a night and came home to...guess what?  Two sleeping children!!!  They had fallen asleep at their normal time after a full dinner and toothbrushing.  What was once so hard for them to do with hubby's mom worked.  That was the best gift of the night, by far.

5.  We stayed up late watching, "The Drifter" and dreaming of our Bali.  Oh, how we miss you, dear island.  How we long to feel your warm sun on our skin, eat your coconuts and catch the next generation of humans born there.  One day.  One day soon.

6. I woke up to coffee brought to me in bed and then an incredible hubby made brunch!  He is incredible and made the whole weekend so special.  He insisted I open my gifts before eating and I was so blessed by the beautiful art prints he found for me.  Exactly what I wanted.  Last week, he gave me a huge pot with a canning rack inside and today he gifted me with canning jars and sealing lids.  Woo hoo!!  He cleaned everything up all weekend and did piles of laundry.

7. That dear neighbor and our Waldorf teacher friend canned tomato sauce!!!  My very first canning experience turned out fabulous.  We have about 5 or 6 large jars of spaghetti sauce now.  I am so stoked to can this summer as my tomatoes grow.  What a gift to learn with friends.  So thankful.

8. Then, we got to walk on a different part of the trail with Wexlar and his papa, my girls and their papa.  Wex let me run with him, again.

9. We came home to hubby's homemade brownies, which tasted INCREDIBLE and coconut milk ice cream.  too yummy and thoughtful for words.

10. It's with a full heart that I say goodnight to this wonderful weekend.  I feel the love.  I do.  I will hold it near me all year long as I have already planned in this being a really. fabulous. year.

Birthday Weekend

Sunday is my 33rd birthday. 

beautiful

Last year, we celebrated at this really neat Eco-Lodge that runs on solar power and uses a rainwater catchment. 

the diners were so yummy.

Some professors from one of the universities in Indonesia created it as a nature preserve for birds and butterflies.  The pool was great, the four course vegetarian meals were delicious, the outdoor solar showers were fabulous and we really got to know the location of every toilet in the place.

swanky place playground

We walked on the beach at Jimbaran for hours and walked into this fancy, private resort that has a playground.  It's the only playground the kids ever played on in Bali. 

thankfully, cherry popsicle could come with us

We ate at Zula's Vegetarian Paradise, which is one of my very favorite places on earth to eat. 

walking on the beach

 I was sooooooooo sick with Bali belly that I could barely make it in any taxi ride over 12 minutes long without needing to stop somewhere.  Since we were a couple of hours away from the clinic and my Chinese herbs weren't working, i actually stopped in a random doctor's office to get meds!  It was the first time in years I had taken mainstream pharmaceuticals but I was so glad to begin to feel better the next week. 

that amazing beach

The real highlight was that I also caught two babies on my birthday last year.  I don't have any pictures of this, of course.  I try to be really respectful of the clients by not taking pictures, not to mention it's kinda hard to catch and photograph at the same time.  Hee hee.

beachy

This year, I am going out for vegan pizza with dear families that cherish me almost as much as I cherish them.  On Sunday, I am going to can tomato sauce for the first time.  In between, I hope to go on a dinner date with my hubby (one of three? that we've been on without kids in tow) and I am going to hope my friend comes home from the hospital after his surgery.  I love my birthday usually but this year I am just not feeling much up for the celebrations or the crowds of people.  I just want to go on a long walk and then a long sleep.  And, eat brownies.

Happy early birthday to me.

The Green School

my friend, the boy

When I was in 6th grade, I became friends with this other 6th grade kid that was kinda short and stocky.  I think he had a too big black leather jacket, even.  He was funny and charming.  A lot happened over the next 7 years until we lost touch.  He grew up strong and successful.  He was the all american boy.  Wow, did he help me through some rough times.  And, I was told more than once that I was killing his buzz trying to help him through is own rough times when they finally hit.  Man, our senior year was a rough one missing out on his presence.  He'd gotten into trouble with some dangerous stuff and I wasn't the only one super worried about him.  But, goodness was I ever grateful for the stubborn determined friend I had found.  And, years later, when we reconnected, again it was to my great joy.  What a relief to sit in his living room with his family and see him happy, hilarious and cocky as ever. 

at our 10 yr high school reunion

Yesterday afternoon we were talking on the phone about how his oldest son is 15 years old, about the same age we were when my friend got his white Mustang with blue seats that he dubbed, "Bessie".  He cherished that car.  He'd drive me home or out to meet friends from our first job at the mall sophomore year.  I always felt bad for the time we were driving out to a wrestling meet in another county and I handed him his juice.  Well, he shook it up, not realizing that I had already done that and taken the lid off.  We stopped on some country road and he popped the trunk for a roll of paper towels.  What 16 year old boy keeps paper towels in his trunk to clean the car?  He totally took care of that dear car.

Before Bessie, there was a time that I remember his own dad struggling through a cancer diagnosis.  I remember standing on the sidewalk in middle school trying to hand him a book I had just read about a boy whose dad had cancer.  My friend acted tough and said he's already read it.  Then, we walked to the cafeteria in silence. 

He warned me about certain guys when he had little respect for their locker room talk.  He let me borrow a comfy sweatshirt and watch lame comedies at his house when I didn't listen and ended up brokenhearted.  He found love in an older girl for a good chunk of our high school years and she was kind to me all the while probably wondering why he and I were friends.  Being opposite sex friends for so many of our vulnerable growing up years could have been really confusing but I think we navigated it well.  What sticks out to me more is how ultimately I felt supported and encouraged from a friend through the years even as we took time to pursue our own friendships or dating.  For about 6 years, I always knew he'd call to chat or listen as I blabbered on about my latest crush, how much my mom sucked and we'd catch up. 

he is so blessed to have an amazing wife!

This dear one is having surgery today after being diagnosed with colon cancer.  Having celebrated our birthdays less than 2 weeks apart for so long, it's crazy to think we are this young and he's in the hospital this week!  It's a rare issue for someone our age to have.  But, that is not helping the flood of memories and emotions that are coming with this.  Emailing with his amazing wife, texting, and talking to him on the the phone today has really been encouraging.  He's so optimistic and positive.  So strong and hopeful.  He's also realistic and ready to face whatever is coming from this.  I see that same determination and respect from high school wrestling days all over, again.  He's got his game face on.  It's incredible and heartbreaking and gut wrenching. 

the day our girls met each other

Aren't we 12...walking the middle school halls and getting dropped off at movies by our parents with groups of other awkward 7th graders?  Aren't we 14, starting high school with him wrestling Varsity already and me feeling left behind already...until he encourages me to be their manager and score keeper?  Or, 16 and getting our first jobs at the place his big brother works then helping our friends get jobs with us, partying and then heading down separate paths to date people?  Wasn't it yesterday that we were 18, a worried me and a lost him?  I know it's been a long time since he came to SURPRISE visit me in college and I was out on a date b/c I am now married to that man I was on the date with.  Last night, I cried in that man's arms as I told him silly stories of growing up and he understood.  He has cared for my friend as our families have spent time together.  We are parents to little girls born within the same year.  Yesterday, we asked each other over and over, how did that happen so quickly? 

When did we grow up and have to face cancer?

January 2010

A year ago this week, I would walk by this flower every day on my way to the outdoor kitchen.  I miss that.

Blog of the Month

Our Ash Grove is probably my very favorite blog right now.  The family is made up of four children, a mama and a papa who are Waldorf-inspired homeschoolers with a big garden and lots of handmade clothes.  I am a huge fan of each of these things.  

Games She Plays

the airplane

Well, some kids play house or fairies.  My youngest plays "airplane", almost every other day.  She lines up all the animals from every hidden space in our house, takes their tickets, buckles their seatbelts and then gets on the plane with them.  She tells them the destination and when to change planes, etc.  Sometimes food is served.  She faces forward and sits patiently as the planes flies.  It's a very calm game.  Sometimes, I have to show my ticket if I was already on board when she arrives.  Sometimes, I bring reading material (like one of the cookbooks my dad gave me years ago) and translate it from meaty to vegan.

P.S. In case it's not glaringly obvious from this picture, we don't need or want any more stuffed animals at our house.  We're full.  Just wanted to say it in case it anyone was uncertain and was considering gifting us with more of the same.

Angels Among Us

from candle dipping table at the waldorf winter fair

mancala

e took this picture

looking forward to playing this game for years and years

House Barn Space

found this on craigslist months before her birthday for about $35

My big bro cleaned it up for us as he is quite the handyman.  It really came out beautiful.  The roof lid flips up; the stairs are actually from a castle we got on craigslist earlier in the year.  

the metal crease is where the roof lifts

Because it's so open, the girls have used it as a house for small people, a house for the larger dolls and a big barn for the bigger animals to have their own stalls.  It's also been a barn for the smaller animals to share.

view from the front...or the back, i guess.

 These creative ways make me want to wait on introducing furniture.  We've got a box of it in the shed from when i was a kid; some is very fragile Victorian style furniture but other pieces may work at some point over the next year.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Anthony!

He is a huge Curious George fan and has drawn the Bear into the fan club!

We love this guy like no other.  Many years ago, he adopted me as his lil' sis and totally kept me safe through some scary times in life.  Recently, he bought a house around the corner so we all could take long walks together on the trail.  Even more recently, he adopted a puppy dog, who he named Wexlar.  Just this weekend, E took the leash and walked Wex for over a mile!  He and hubby have dudes and dad's night out pretty much weekly.  We have grand dreams of installing solar panels, continuing to garden together and visiting Bali sometime in the next year or two. 

Happy Birthday, Big Bro!  I am so glad you were born and so glad you came to us.  Each of us loves you very much.

Wax Window Crayons

Walk the Trail

a whole gaggle of friends

bikers and walkers

A Special Seat

This time last year in Ubud, Bali

raw tiramisu cake

this is an amazingly yummy cake.  and it's totally raw.  amazing. 

Birthday Gifts

Back in November, a little girl turned 5 years old.  For her party, she wanted friends to walk on teh trail with her.  Awesome.  For gifts, she wanted two things: an oak tree and a wolf.  A real oak tree and a real wolf.  Instead, she got a bike and a wooden house.

yummiest